Unexpectedly Jolly- The Yuletide Benefit of Year-Round Self Care

‘It’s okay- we’re not interested, but THANK YOU’, I finally said, to the persistent Rogers Sales Rep who came back to our HOUSE (I know 😱); a mere two days after I told him that we would contact him if ever we were interested (obvious hint to any reasonable person- we weren’t).

What in the ‘it’s-almost-2024-out-there’ do these companies not understand about this door-to-door nonsense being inappropriate AF. Because, HELLO- we can find all this online and in-store now. And HELLO- I’ve consumed enough true crime in the last few years to warrant being suspicious of this creepy behaviour…(but I guess not enough to remember to get a camera installed, so I can see who’s at the door 🤭 Oops). 

Either way, he clearly didn’t get the memo- the safe space of our front and side door entrances is reserved for us, our loved ones and for the numerous UberEats deliveries that make this place look like a brothel on some weeks (a time-efficient one, at that!).

There was something about my warm, inviting smile, my open demeanor and me going through the completely insincere motions of taking down his contact info the other day (I’m assuming not having a business card on him was another sales tactic!)...that didn’t quite drive my ‘we’re not interested’ point home. In other words, sigh- my ‘being assertive’ routine still needs work.

Thankfully, on Take 2 of this scenario, I was annoyed enough to be firm- ‘it’s okay- WE’RE NOT INTERESTED’ as he kept on with the intrusive questions like who’s our current provider, when can he come back, can he speak to my dad who uses another provider, etc. Like, we were a few questions away from playing ‘Never have I ever’, for goodness sake. NOT INTERESTED- Caps, bold, underline vibe- and he finally got the message (no exclamation points though- I’m not a heartless monster). Please GO AWAY SIR. 

Message received- he hasn’t been back since.

I noticed something peculiar in the last month or so- the absence of anxiety and low-level dread that normally accompany every holiday season for me (that I only realized once ‘all was calm’). Huh. Weird, I thought.

A few more weeks went by and still…nothing. Okay- super weird. Something even weirder- I found myself actually excited about this holiday season. Even enough to take early action and be organized. My husband’s present has been wrapped and under the tree for a couple weeks now. What? I already bought the ribbon and trays and ingredients to make mini nutmeg loaves for our neighbours- something I’ve thought of for years but never got around to. Okay where the hell is Margaret and what has someone done with her?!

Why have I generally been feeling so great, so consistently, despite the usual stressors? Feels a bit sus.

Then one night, I started thinking out loud to my husband… ‘do you think…it could have anything to do with… oh my God; gasp- Oh My God- That’s what it is!!!’

NO. NO thanks. I’m good. I can’t make it. I want to rest tonight. I’m good. Thank you, but no. I don’t know the answer to that. Not interested. Maybe some other time. Ahhhhh- music to my ears now. Inhale, ‘Select All’: confusion-anxiety-guilt-unease and hard ‘Delete’ that sh&t. Exhale. 

Though there are clearly still growing pains, I have more firmly and guiltlessly said NO in the last year alone than I had in the 39 years prior! To never-ending social obligations, favours, expectations, salespeople- all kinds of energy drainers. I have always, always struggled with setting boundaries; and that, for a few different reasons (how I got there is a whole other blog post). And when you’ve been on Turbo-Accomodating mode for most of your life, there’s a good chance you picked up some trauma along the way (yes- trauma; ‘little T’ is a thing!). But after a great deal of healing and a commitment to work on my issues; for the first time in my life, I understand what it means to genuinely take care of myself. It took me a minute, but it looks like I’m finally reaping the rewards of prioritizing my wellbeing over other people’s expectations (big and small), and I feel f$cking fantastic. 

Naturally, that’s going to ruffle some feathers. Especially for all that was built with my poor boundaries as a foundation. Yikes. But the good news is- more authenticity is emerging. Keeping it real- what a beautiful thing. Being unapologetically myself; and learning to accept the consequences of that…when they’re not always pleasant. 

So it looks like having a ‘Merry Christmas’ for some of us out there, might have less to do with Santa rewarding us for being good all year…and more to do with how good we are to ourselves, the year leading up to it. Whether that’s accommodating others less, getting support for mental health, having an identity/hobbies outside of your kids, saying no to hustle culture, setting firmer boundaries, recognizing what burdens aren’t yours to carry, etc., etc. It’s about honouring your individual and actual needs (a-hem- that YSL purse being a want, not a need, to be clear).

And, as I’m discovering- the 'you can't pour from an empty cup' euphemism is pretty damn true. Once you consistently show up for yourself, you can eventually be there for others too; in a way that feels wholesome instead of resentful. 

‘True church is in the heart’, is a sentiment I’ve heard a few times. Sure- kneeling in a pew on Sunday mornings counts for something (A for effort!); but more importantly, it’s about how good your heart is, how you exemplify the lessons and how you live day-to-day.

When we went to see Home Alone - The Orchestra earlier this month (where they play the movie on a massive screen with a live orchestra performing below), I thought for sure I would be the only one fighting back tears (and failing at it!) towards the end of the movie. Lo and behold, however- I saw people in front of me and beside me wipe their tears at the same times. I mean- how can you not cry, with the live music, nostalgia and the touching, closing scenes. 

When your needs go unchecked for so long, it is hard not to feel alone. It's like new pain gets tacked onto old pain, and you're left with layers upon layers of hurt to sort through. And if feeling misunderstood is part of the equation, it's easy to shut down and push people away. Needless to say, it

gets lonely.

But we are not always as alone as we think. There may be people alongside you in life (and in theatres!) who are wiping their tears at the very same time….when you thought it was a ‘just you’ thing. 

Throughout the movie, I thought of all the things that make Christmas time feel special- the warmth of kind gestures, the meaningful exchanges, the spirit of giving, the magical feeling of beautiful lights everywhere, the effort you put into making loved ones feel special, the putting aside of differences for the greater good of coming together to celebrate. And I came to the same conclusion- true Christmas is in the heart.

There is a way to embody the spirit of Christmas year-round. And in my experience, it starts with taking care of yourself first. And sometimes that might look like something as silly as shooing away a Rogers Sales Rep.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas/Happy holidays and a blessed, blessed new year. 🌟

Take care of yourselves 💕

Exhibit A: Nutmeg & Spice Mini Loaves

Xo,

Margaret