Retroactive Karma: the Dark Behind the Demons

Ah, the power!, I thought, followed by loud, maniacal laughter.

With the click of a single button, I could detonate a nuclear bomb and potentially cause another World War. Should I or shouldn't I? MUAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! 

Okay, maybe it was a little less dramatic than that. Okay, maybe a lot less dramatic than that- the button was the Send button to an in-your-face (!), I-know-why-you-can-afford-expensive jewelry email; and the result would have been a vile, nasty recipient getting even more vile and even more nasty. And it was pretty quiet. There was no laughter...maniacal, or otherwise. 

As tempting as it was, my better judgment started kicking in. Did I want to go back and forth with this goon forever? No. Could I let go of the sick, disgusting comments and ill wishes she sent my way (all because she went through someone's phone and found a small comment I said about her, that she more than deserved). I didn't want to. 

In the end, however, anything sounded better than engaging with a narcissistic lunatic.

I decided not to press Send. Instead, I just hoped that karma is a thing and would take care of it.

HELLOOOO KARMAAA, Are You Coming?!

Um, it seems like karma is busy AF these days. It's taking way too long, to the point where I'm like- is it even relevant anymore? This must be the same frustration that sports fans feel when the referee appears to be watching another game- "are you serious, c'mon! Didn't you see that?! Why aren't you doing anything?!" 

Karma is what most of us know as the "what goes around comes around", "you reap what you sow", "you get out what you put in" phenomenon. And that's what I'm referring to here. 

There's good karma...and then there's bad karma. Bad karma is supposedly what you get when you live your life like an *sshole.

If it does exist, the problem is that it's not immediate enough. We need to be able to rely on something more concrete, something time-sensitive and results-oriented, like a bat to the head.

I'm sorry if that's graphic, but there's just something about these people that brings out the worst in me. Time and time again, I see terrible people get away with terrible things.

The bitter ex who brainwashes their children against the other parent. The abusive, power-driven boss who gets to keep their job (and title and status and pay) for decades, while making people's lives miserable day-in, day-out. The selfish imbecile who breaks their 14-day isolation period to attend a gathering, upon returning to the country during a pandemic. The serial cheater who plays with people's lives and health and feelings, yet manages to find good, supportive partners who always want to stand by them and find solutions. The mooching loser who owes people money, yet posts their newest big purchase or latest trip to the Bahamas on social media.

The most these people ever get is a slap on the hand (if anything) for their appalling behaviour.............or is it? DAH-DAH-DAHHHHHH! (my best attempt to insert suspenseful music).

Retroactive Karma?

Perspective 👏 Perspective 👏 Perspective 👏 !

I have to remind myself to ask this one important question when I feel bothered that crappy people get away with crappy things: are. they. happy? 

And not "perfect life on Facebook and smiling in pictures" happy. I'm talking mind-body-soul, connected, spiritually whole, naturally feel-good-in-the-skin-they're-in happy.

Upon close inspection, I've always found the answer to be a hard, resounding: NO.

Here are a few reasons why, that have helped me put things into perspective when I've struggled not to lose it on these soul-sucking demons:

• they struggle in relationships. If you're only looking out for yourself all the time, chances are you aren't reaping the benefits of genuine connections. Healthy relationships include compromise and giving, not just taking. If every person is just a means to an end, then once the end is met, what else is a person good for? They'll dispose of you faster than a candy wrapper. That might not sound like a big deal, but since we are social beings and wired to connect with others, it means they are missing out on healthy relationships and might feel lonely...but never understand why.
• they're "high", not happy. They tend to value things that don't lead to true happiness and fulfilment. Money, power, status, material...getting their way...it's not wrong to want those things and work for them. But if that's all that can fulfill you, then your happiness is akin to a sailboat in the wind. It is completely dependent on external factors. And no amount of perfect weather will ever be enough. This explains why much of their lives can be spent chasing short-lived highs. They are trying hard to feel alive inside, where they otherwise feel dead. 
• being "right" or "winning" is not synonymous with being happy. The perfect example of this is spoiled children- they get everything they want and always get their way but are miserable and act-out compared to children who learned structure and discipline. Their parents supported delusions that you should always get your way, and this is a set-up for failure and misery in the real world. Same with manipulative people- if they only surround themselves with family and partners who enable them, they lose sight of reality and struggle when dealing with people in the real world. You will not always win in the real world.
• they lack insight. A big part of life is learning and growing, and when you lack the ability to see yourself and work on your shortcomings, you'll never evolve. How depressing would that be?! You will always see others as the problem. Therapy won't even work on these folks. Imagine being miserable and sensing something's off, but never understanding why? Not being able to self-reflect and see how you're contributing to your problems means you are stuck...with the crappiest version of yourself. And you will keep creating the same problems because you can't see yourself. Sounds like an awful curse from a Stephen King novel! No wonder they always need to lash-out at others. They are angry but can't figure out why.
• they have brittle self-esteem. To the unsuspecting eye, they may appear confident. But do confident people pop-off when they don't get their way? Do confident people always need to have the last word? Are confident people bothered by the smallest slight that casts any doubt on their precious image and self-perception? No. I once read that narcissists feel the need to control how others perceive them. Imagine how exhausting that would be! You have to devote your life to not only portraying a false image of yourself, but vehemently correcting anyone who threatens it.
• they have poor emotional regulation. If you've ever had the misfortune of dealing with a manipulative bully, you know that they go ape-shit on you the second they are questioned or challenged. Using my example in the intro- I weighed the pros and cons of sending an email that would further infuriate my arch enemy. This shows the ability to STOP and consider the consequences of words and actions, instead of going through life like a toddler susceptible to having a tantrum at any given moment. Imagine the shit-show that would be your life if you couldn't regulate your emotions and control your impulses? You would be at the mercy of your reactions and of the words and actions of others...who are guaranteed to piss you off from time to time.
• they are likely in pain. Speaking of demons, there's a good chance that they're battling their own. Have you ever noticed that confident, stable people don't attract drama in their lives? They either quash it or manage issues effectively. Manipulators, on the other hand, not only attract it they create it; and leave a trail of destruction and broken relationships behind, wherever they go. It takes a miserable person to do miserable things. The dark that they project onto others is a reflection of the dark they feel within.

Those are just my observations on the types of people that I find harmfully selfish, the kind that actually harm others in their process of weaseling and cheating their ways through life.

That led me to thinking one day- maybe their karma is retroactive. They have to live with themselves every day. They will likely never be happy. And they will likely not know how to change that. Seems like punishment enough.

The Scenic Route

When I think about it, I quite like my life and the decisions that led me here. The people and things I cherish most were not a result of poor impulse control and “getting my way” all the time. They were a result of picking myself up after disappointments, continuing past closed doors to find open ones, taking the high road time and time again, and developing confidence and strength of character beyond my image and what the title on my work pass reads. 

So let them have their way. If it means that much to them, they deserve it. Take a quick detour and travel on the high road. It's peaceful and scenic for the most part. And when it gets bumpy, just hold onto your steering wheel, take a deep breath and do everything in your power to STAY ON IT. I promise you it will be worth it someday. Karma, or not.

It's beautiful here.